How to Make Valentine’s Day Stress Free

It's not your job to stock her treat drawer at work. She knows what she likes, let her buy it. Valentine's Day chocolate is more about ceremony than cocoa. You need a heart-shaped box that has some weight to it. If your woman is watching her figure she's not going to eat any anyway.

Women expect flowers on Valentine's Day. They don't expect a dozen, or two dozen, or red ones, or even roses. They PREFER them, but this isn't her birthday. Any flower will do -- fake or real. She's used to settling, she's with you isn't she?

The way you score on Valentine's Day is NOT by spending a lot. It's by being romantic. Candy hearts are to a frugal romantic what a microphone is to a DJ. Put them in her makeup case, her drawers, her vanity, next to her shampoo, by her toothbrush and next to her favorite cereal. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!

Knockoff perfume and other cheap stuff from a dollar store is a perfect way of saying, "I remember Valentine's Day because I love you, but I think it's stupid." Be sincere when you give it to her and she'll remind herself "It's the thought that counts," and you make it out alive for 99 cents. Don't expect gratitude and don't betray your passive aggression. If you're lucky she'll only remember the candy flowers trick from that morning.

Every lady at our Valentine's Day comedy show gets a flower and a treat. Appetizers are provided along with a no host bar. Singles are $40 and couples are $70. We take the work out of it for you.