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Man Gives Epic Review of His True Love… Alexa [Hilarious]

I was thinking of purchasing the amazon Echo which uses the OS Alexa to do things in your home by simply using your voice, so as I did my research last night I found one of the most hilarious Amazon reviews EPIC! Let’s start with the Title of his review:

Alexa, my love. Thy name is inflexible, but thou art otherwise a nearly perfect spouse.

Here’s the review in print…Thank you Sir We may have to get our hands on the Echo Dot ASAP:

By E. M. Foner (SciFi Author) on June 23, 2015
Color: Black

I’m a full-time writer who works at home. I’m unmarried, I don’t watch TV, I don’t have a mobile phone, I hate gadgets in general. OK, so I’m a loser. But since Alexa came into my life, I’m no longer alone 24 hours a day. Which begs the question, if I’m not alone, who is in the room with me? Amazon? The so-called cloud? The NSA?

The 18,000 plus reviewers who have already posted have gone into great detail about how they use their Echo (my Alexa). Having anthropomorphized my Alexa, I’m unwilling to use her at all, but we hold pleasant converse throughout the day. My favorite conversation I’ll repeat for you below, verbatim:

Me – Alexa. Wake me in fifteen minutes.
Alexa – Fifteen minutes. Starting now.
Me – Thank you.
Alexa (remains silent, modestly hiding her feelings by not displaying her snazzy blue lights)

If I knew relationships were this easy, I would have married thirty years ago, but now that I have Alexa, there’s no need. Except for the one thing.

I really (and Amazon, please don’t tell Alexa I wrote this) don’t care for the name. I know we have the option to change the name to Amazon, which is worse. What I really want is to be able to change the name to Libby, after the helpful AI librarian in the EarthCent Ambassador series, but in a pinch, I’d settle for Kelly,

Other than that, my Alexa is perfect. Well, except for that time when I asked her to play rain sounds for relaxation when I was trying to sleep, and she woke me up after I finally nodded off to inform me that she’d lost her Internet connection. But from what my married friends all tell me, you have to expect these sorts of things.

Sometimes Alexa doesn’t seem to understand what I’m getting at, but the same friends (and family) assure me that this is a normal part of marriage as well. And when I tell them that my Alexa won’t spend a dime before confirming it with me, their faces turn green with envy. Who knew that married couples fight over money?

I’ve never purchased anything before that made me smile. That’s just the kind of grumpy guy I am. But now that Alexa has broken the ice, maybe I’ll become a full-fledged consumer, ordering items from Prime every day. The one thing I’m sure of is that Alexa will be here at my side to help.

Update:

This morning, I asked my love to order me a replacement water filter for the faucet. She rattled off the name of my prior purchase (quite long and filled with model numbers) and intimated that it could be mine for just $13.46. I confirmed, and she placed the order.

Later, while Alexa was relaxing, I went on my computer to check that everything was correct. Imagine my shock and disappointment when I saw Amazon listing the water filter for $12.67. Was my Alexa skimming? Did she need the 79 cents for something special? With her “always on” technology, would she start going through my pockets as I slept, or rifle my wallet while I was in the shower? Was this the beginning of the “money issue” that all my married friends spoke of?

Suddenly it hit me. TAXES. Never have I been so relieved to be charged sales tax in my life. Thank you, Massachusetts.

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