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See the Best Excuses People Have Given to Get Out of Speeding Tickets!

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A survey asked for the best stories of cops pulling people over, or being pulled over. Most police said honesty and politeness were the best strategy. Most drivers said defecating in their pants got them out of trouble. Here are our favorite stories from people:

1. There was a kid that was on his way home from work and going a little too fast down a residential road. I stopped him and when I got up to the window he was sweating bullets and squirming in his seat, he looked to be in bad shape. I asked if everything was OK? and then he proceeded to let out a huge… wet… fart… that just seemed to never end. He followed that up with, “No, I must of ate something at lunch… I need a washroom now!” I told him to pull in to the gas station down the street right away and then he left. Not sure if he made it.

2. My cousin was speeding one time and when she was pulled her, she told the officer that her tampon was falling out and she needed to fix it. He was a new officer and he bolted back to his car and she got away with it.

3.”I got pulled over for cutting through a parking lot to avoid a stop light. I told the truth: I had to take a No. 2. I only got a written warning. As he was handing it to me he smirked and said, “You’ve been polite and I believe you, here’s a written warning, no ticket. You can wipe your ass with it if you like. Don’t do it again!”

4. I was on the interstate, doing about 5-10 miles over the speed limit. Cars were whizzing past me like they’re trying to achieve warp speed. Lights flashed; I get pulled over. Officer said, “Do you know why I pulled you over?” My reply: “I was the only one driving slowly enough to catch?” The policeman laughed himself red in the face and told me I’m a smart ass and sent me on my way without a ticket.

5. My dad is an officer and he pulled over a group of older nuns for speeding.
My Dad” You were speeding.
Nuns: No we weren’t.
This went on for some time; he eventually let them go because they were nuns and old.

6. I stopped a guy going 15-20 over the limit one time. I asked him why he was going so fast, and he told me he had been bitten by a spider. I thought we was full of crap until he showed me his leg. It was turning black and swelling up quickly, so I just let him go.

7. A friend of mine was driving home late at night going about 115 km in a 100 zone with a pair of baby twins sleeping in the back seat. Cops pulled them over for speeding. Before the cop get to the car he gave each of the twins a small pinch to wake them up and start them crying. When the officer made her way to the window my friend said, “Sorry I was speeding, I have to get these little guys home before they drive me crazy.”
The officer just said, “Okay, but be safe and keep the speed down.” And we were on our way! The kids fell asleep again in five minutes.

8. I got out of a speeding ticket once by saying I had just bought the car and it was much faster than my old one and I wasn’t used to the extra power yet.

9. I once talked my way out of a speeding ticket by saying it was about to rain and my windshield wipers were broken. I was a good looking young man at the time and I smiled very fetchingly at the female police officer.

10. When I was younger, I bought this little stuffed monkey puppet from the toy store with my mom. It was adorable and inside there was a little button that made squeaky noises. One day I was playing with it in the front seat while my mom was driving home, and really getting into the part, making it dance all around and squeak for my mom while she laughed hysterically. Unfortunately, she picked the wrong time to not be watching her speed, and we got pulled over. A policewoman walked up as my mom rolled down the window, still giggling. “Do you know how fast you were going?” My mother, unable to help herself, said “I’m so sorry officer, the monkey made me do it!” At the same time, I slowly try to take my hand off the button, which results in a long, loud squeeeeak from the monkey toy I’m holding sheepishly in the passanger seat.
The policewoman cracked up, said it was one of the best excuses she’s ever heard, and let us off with a warning.

11. Once an officer came up to the window and asked why I was speeding. I was going between 5-10 over. I told him that my older brother got home from Iraq today and I was excited to see him so I wasn’t paying attention. He let me go and told me to thank my brother for him. It was a lie. I’m the oldest of by siblings. I’m still a bit ashamed of that one

12. I was hoping that maybe I just left my purse somewhere while I was out running errands, so I was speeding a bit while retracing my steps around town. I thought, “Oh, shit, I can’t speed and get pulled over because I don’t have my driver’s license on me” just before I see flashing lights in my rear view. I was trying so hard to hold it together, but as soon as the cop came up to my window I started bawling like a little kid. I could barely form words, but I managed to explain that I believe my purse was stolen, with a bunch of cash in it and my new camera as well. The cop took pity on me, took a report for my purse, and sent me on my way.

The BEST (but not real) excuse of all time:

Cop: “Do you know why I pulled you over Sir?”
“My wife left me for a police officer last year, and I thought you were trying to give her back.”

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