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Charlie Sheen Wants to Put on a Cape and Save Lindsay Lohan. Without Sleeping With Her.

Charlie Sheen Lindsay Lohan
Theo Wargo / Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images

Charlie Sheen is a Hollywood antihero, but he wants to be an actual hero for Lindsay Lohan, who he considers a friend — a friend without any benefits at all.

Sheen told TMZ that he wants to be a mentor for Lohan, who seems to rebuff him publicly but has no issue taking his checks for her back taxes or offers for work on ‘Anger Management.’

“I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not,” Sheen said. “She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who’s been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey.”

(Sounds like he’s mad about that dress thing.)

“If she listens, she’ll win. If she doesn’t, that’s on her.”

As for whether or not his motives and intentions are pure, Sheen insists he’s not out to get into Lohan’s pants (or ripped dresses, as it were).

“I love her, I respect her, and I’ve never laid a finger on her that wasn’t on film. How ya like me now, America?”

That’s good, considering she’d never kiss him on the mouth anyway — chances are she wouldn’t kiss him anywhere else, either.

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