Is Alcohol Holding Washington Couples Together?
Have you ever tried to have a serious in-depth conversation with a person who is under the influence of alcohol? How about a disagreement?
I found this article very interesting. I try to stay open and see two sides to everything so I don't become close-minded to things I am unaware of. But this study has me wondering about a few things. Quite honestly it's a bit mind-boggling.
A recent study Found:
- The average couple drinks together 3x per week.
- Almost 1/4 admit to using alcohol specifically to smooth over disagreements.
- Interactive map included showing a state breakdown.
Approximately 40-50% of marriages end in divorce, according to research. Couples are seeking ways to strengthen their bonds and avoid becoming another statistic.
It's been my experience, that people who have been drinking most often have an irrational attitude which they seem willing to share without your consent. Most often it also comes at a higher volume than you'd like. For me, it feels difficult to have a normal conversation with someone who's been drinking. Often they also won't remember the conversation when referred to at a later time. But, that is solely my experience. I discovered that long-term alcohol usage shrinks the brain which would explain the irrational behavior of those who are long-term heavy drinkers.
Yet the study states:
over 1-in-5 Washington couples (22%) consider alcohol a cornerstone of their relationship, suggesting that shared drinking experiences are viewed as integral to their partnership.
Certainly, having a drink or two with a friend or a glass of wine with a date can add warmth, soften nerves and create some comradery. I can agree with that.
Is drinking as a couple holding you together
I have no problem with alcohol or people, who drink it. But often I've experienced loved ones or friends who don't appear to have a choice in their drinking. And that is when it's concerning. I call it "overdrinking" or Alcoholism.
You've heard the saying "Misery loves company" I see this quite often. Ever go to a gathering and decline a drink? and then have that person re-offer it over and over again? It happens all the time. I have a 'one drink limit' yet, it seems people are always trying to convince me to have another. Is this just being polite?
Respect those who set boundaries for alcohol
It makes me wonder if so many couples are using alcohol as a way to tolerate their relationship, or smooth over troubles to avoid, How can that be a way to live? Why do so many Americans choose to self-medicate and avoid working through issues to create a better understanding? Maybe it's just easier that way?
Drinking to escape problems
Traditional methods like marriage counseling, improving communication, and working on conflict resolution are often recommended, a recent study by TexasDivorceLaws.org has uncovered a surprising trend: many couples are turning to alcohol as a means of maintaining their relationships.
How can two people reach a deeper connection when they are both under the influence and self-medicated?
Does drinking together boost intimacy
Nearly half (47%) believe that alcohol makes things more intimate. It begs the question of whether some couples rely on it too much for that extra connection.
Could they be mistaking "extra connection" for a boost in "sexual chemistry?" My guess would be yes. I think of "Beer Goggles" or in my case "Wine Goggles"
Admittedly, I've met someone for a glass of wine... (first date.) We share a glass of wine, I'm feeling good and enjoying the ambiance of the venue and the soft music. He seems charming and nice-looking. I'm sure we are forming a nice connection and I think I'd like to see him again. (Wine Goggles)
On the second date, we do something different maybe an activity, and we do not have any alcohol. Interestingly he's not nearly as attractive, I find him less than interesting or appealing and notice that he seems a bit on edge or uneasy. We don't have much in common, and seemingly no similar values. Ultimately, we probably aren't a great match.
If I had wine on the second date, I think it would have been much like the first. (I've tested that one out) So for me, NOT having any alcohol is important when I'm getting to know someone. Otherwise, I'm prolonging the inevitable.
Big Decisions After a Few Drinks: Perhaps most alarmingly, In the study, 23% of couples admit to making significant life decisions together while under the influence of alcohol. These decisions include moving in together, applying for mortgages, or taking out loans.
Okay, I think this article is starting to make sense, reading these statistics I'm convinced now that if so many people are making decisions while intoxicated and drinking is considered a bonding agent of their relationship, are we surprised that so many marriages end in divorce? Maybe drinking IS THE ISSUE!
I will say that in my marriage of 21 years, drinking was the issue that led to divorce. And I can confidently say that if my husband had NOT been an alcoholic, we'd still be together today. That being said, I do have a great amount of admiration for those who seek help and choose to do it differently. And I say that with all the understanding and respect for those who struggle with alcoholism. I feel all kinds of compassion for those who are plagued with that disease. And, I feel very fortunate I'm not one of them. I have a strong addiction to sugar though, I deal with that daily.
Plenty of my friends drink regularly in their relationships and are seemingly fine! I think it's something to be aware of and to question on both sides. And if alcohol consumption in your relationship causes you to pause and consider something different. There are lots of resources available.
Country Music's Best Drinking Songs
Gallery Credit: Billy Dukes
These bars were recommended for serving non-alcoholic drinks in Spokane:
Gallery Credit: Reesha Cosby