Cougar Sighting in Benton City! ((CAUTION))
I've had several people tell me about a cougar sighting in Benton City..."HOLY GUACAMOLE!!"
Cougars are typically lone hunters that wander around looking for Prey!
They prey on liquored up dudes, rednecks, fat wallets, emotionally scarred men with low self-esteem and baby goats!
What does One do if you come across the Benton City Cougar?
*Stop, pick up your red solo cup, and don’t run. Running and rapid movements may trigger an attack. Remember, at close range, a cougar’s instinct is to chase.
*Always travel in packs!, This cougar likes to single out the weakest of the group...designate your travel buddy and keep him near for protection.
* If you come face to face with cougar. always keep eye contact and give her the Blue Steel look! this will calm her down Faster than a teenage girl with juicy gossip.
*Face the cougar. Talk to her firmly while slowly backing away. tossing low cal treats is always a good deterrent. cheese is a good option.
*If cougar does not flee, be more assertive. If it shows signs of aggression (crouches with hand on hip , teeth bared, hissing, twitching eye, and feet spread apart just so slightly in preparation to jump), shout, wave your arms and throw anything you have available (water bottle, book, coffee table, your oldest child). The idea is to convince the cougar that you are not prey, but a pathetic looser that pays a lot of child support.
*If the cougar attacks, fight back with a good book...All cougars appreciate 20 minutes of quality reading.
Fish and wildlife have been contacted about Benton city cougar. All they said was "GOOD LUCK WITH THAT"
The last sighting was near the palm bar and grill.