The backstage goings-on at ‘Saturday Night Live’ are legendary, and Darrell Hammond, who spent 14 years on the show performing impersonations of Bill Clinton and Donald Trump, is no stranger to them. His new book titled ‘God, If You’re Not Up There, I’m F*cked,’ details his years of drug use and other behavior some fans might be surprised to hear about.

This isn’t just a case where a rich celebrity goes haywire and starts using drugs because he has the financial means to do so.

Hammond reveals in the book that he suffered horrible child abuse when he was a kid. Not only did his mother beat him, she also stabbed him in the stomach and gave him electrical shocks as punishment. Hammond says that this messed him up so badly that he began to cut himself at the age of 19, which led to visits to psychiatric hospitals and severe cocaine abuse.

He cut himself so badly bad at one point on the set of ‘Saturday Night Live’ that producers actually carted him off in a straightjacket. Hammond says he did crack as recently as 2009.